Swaroop C H

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Paper planes

06 Apr 2005

Ever have the feeling that you don't have control of things?

I compare it to lots of paper planes flying around you. You observe the whooshing sounds, you observe the patterns of flight, but you can't concentrate enough to count how many planes there are or even the directions in which they are travelling...

What direction do I take, what do I really want to do, and the biggest question of them all - "What if"....

I'm in a disconnected state at the moment, just like this post.

The only thing that feels comforting right now is the 'Smooth Jazz' radio channel ...

Comments

Rk says:

Are you talking about this:
The Quarter-Life Crisis by unknown
http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Swaroop C H says:

I am thinking about lot of stuff, but nothing quite as dramatic as that!
I just need to think more often about "real-life" things than I normally do.

neha says:

Have a Hot Choc Fudge, and go for a random walk in the blogs. :)
Else, get a matchbox and randomly scare the paperplanes!

:D

Swaroop C H says:

Thanks Neha, both were good choices to do, although I won't tell which one I chose ;)

Swaroop C H says:

Angel: You're absolutely right :)

angeline says:

yup! the smooth jazz station...healing, I tell you!

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